Through Barney's Eyes and Mind
by chiefsexecutiveofficer
Summary: Ever wondered what Barney thinks about? Read this to find out


Barney sat alone at McClaren's and wondered, _why can't any of my supposed 'friends', IF I can even call them that, come to the club with me?How is that a friend? A friend is supposed give you legendary moments and times that you look back upon. Most of the time when I look back at times with Ted or Marshall I get a good laugh. But not today, no sir, not today. Well, I guess I'll have to go and find some new friends. Hey look at that chick. I'll need backup but wait. I don't have any backup because my 'friends' are being jerk-offs! This is great, just great. I guess I'm going to have to let her go. Good-bye sweet goodness. When I get back to Ted's place, he is SO dead. Wait. I can't let her go. I'm going to have to resort to something I've only done once… wait maybe twice… before. I'm going to have to… stalk her. _

As the girl left McClaren's, Barney quietly followed, _you know what? The first time I did this stalking thing was to Britney Spears and then almost a week later she turned psycho-maniac. I guess I have that effect on girls. Not that it's a good thing. Okay, she's getting into a taxi! Crap how am I supposed to… wait… I've got an idea. Good thing it's raining. _Barney walks up to the taxi and makes sure the girl sees him. Barney pretends to shiver and the girl says, "Why don't you ride with me?"

_Yes! I knew that would work!_ _Time to use a country accent. _"You'd do that? For me? Why thank you ma'am."

The girl laughs and pats the seat next to her. "Here come on in."

"Thank you," Barney says as he sits down next to her._ What to say? _"So where do you get off?" Barney asks as the taxi starts to move.

"Progal Street."

"Really? Well that's just dandy. I live on the same street!" The girl laughs and Barney smiles. _Now for her name. _"So what's your name neighbor?"

"Alicia."

"That's a pretty name."

The girl blushes and mumbles, "Thank you." _Okay, we're here._

"We're here," Barney said with a smile as they both step out of the taxi into the rain. Alicia goes to pay the taxi driver but Barney moves in front of her and pays. They both ran for cover from the rain and step into café.

"So um… what's your name?" Alicia said.

_I don't know if I should give her my name… Maybe I should give her a fake name?_ "Well, my name is Bond, James Bond." Alicia laughs and Barney smiles. _Good, that gave me some extra time to think of a name. _"No but really, my name is Jeppo." Alicia laughs again but quickly covers her mouth. "What you think my name is funny?"

"I think it's hilarious." Alicia says still laughing.

"Yeah I don't know where my parents got that name from."

"Man it doesn't look like that rain is ever going to stop," Alicia complains.

"I'll walk you home," Barney says sincerely.

"Just let me make a phone call real fast okay?" Alicia asks.

"Sure." _I wonder who she's calling. She's probably calling her bff to tell about me and my amazingness. _

"Yeah I'm sure." _She said I'm a good guy. _Barney heard Alicia say. "Yeah, but we can do that another time." _That means she must've had plans tonight. _ "I'm super sure." _She's sure she wants to be with me. _"No I'm not lying!" _Her friend doesn't believe she found someone as good as me._ "Okay see ya in a little. Bye," Alicia says and hangs up.

"Okay you ready?" Barney asks politely.

"Yeah," Alicia says and smiles.

They walk silently in the rain with Barney holding a newspaper over Alicia's head. When they reach Alicia's house she says, "Do you want to come inside?"

_Ding ding ding ding ding! Jackpot! _"Okay, why not?" Barney steps inside and sees four women in front of him. Alicia locks the door behind him.

"Hello ladies." Barney says. _How come all these women look familiar?_

"Hello Barney," the four women say simultaneously. _What?! How do they know my name? Oh no._ Barney thinks as realization comes upon him. _Don't tell me._

"You tried to trick Alicia just like you tricked us. Act all nice, sleep with us, and be gone the next morning," one woman said, stepping up to Barney.

"Don't tell me… Penelope?" Barney says.

"No… That's Penelope," she says pointing at a red head in the corner.

_This does not look good. _"Umm I better be going now." Barney says.

"No you won't be going now," Penelope says.

_ Not good not good not good. How to get away? _"No I really need to go."

Then, the women all stepped closer and started punching him and calling him bad names. _Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. _"I never knew revenge could be so sweet," a different woman said. That was the last thing Barney heard before losing consciousness.

Barney woke up and realized he was in Ted's apartment. _How did I get here? _"How did I get here?" He saw that he had bruises everywhere.

Marshall said, "You're lucky Lily found you man. What happened?"

_There's no way I'm telling anyone. _"I…. fell down the stairs."

"Uh-huh sure," Marshall said. Then he left Barney alone. _Well I can't believe I'm saying this. Well I'm not really SAYING it but I'm thinking it. I did deserve this. But it hurts like hell._

**THE END**


End file.
